school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
