Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Im part way to drunk.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
