i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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