Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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