you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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