Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize