You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
