What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
