Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
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