While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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