Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize