do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
