so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
