Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
