im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
