So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
someone owes me an orgasm
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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