All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
