they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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