She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
