I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
