I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
COCAINE IS GR8
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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