I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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