sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Bring me that man meat
Randomize
