He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
