Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
