She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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