We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
