I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
