Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
