I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The adults are the big ones right?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
