Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
