oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
