So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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