I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Randomize