Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i think we sleep fucked last night...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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