I accidentally had phone sex last night
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
