So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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