Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize