apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
how does that bad decision feel?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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