508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
