I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
whose parrot is this?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Randomize
