I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Randomize
