Just cropdusted the office
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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