I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
