Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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