And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
