Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The Olympian is in my bed
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
