Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize