My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
