You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
