I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
