If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
