There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
