you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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