Its about making memories worth repressing
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
