we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
