are you still at the devil's house?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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