Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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