If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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