She is in my trunk
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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