She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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