I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
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