Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
