I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
