Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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