I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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