Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
