how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
